I Remember The Day – A Poem About Love, Life, and Loss

This is a poem I began writing a few months ago, and worked on for a while. It was something I’d look at every day for a while, and change ever so slightly. While I’m incapable of ever being completely happy with anything I write, I am quite happy with this.

It’s entirely a work of fiction, a sort of short story in poem form. I don’t really know what my thoughts were when I started writing it, but now it’s a sort of study of the way love changes throughout life, and the way we grow and learn to love differently. Of course, a large portion of it is are things I haven’t experienced, and so I’m only going by observation, but I like to think this is a relatively realistic, although perhaps overly dramatic, kind of life to be led. Who knows? This is a poem, about love, and the different sorts we come across. I hope you enjoy it, even if it is kinda long.

 

I Remember The Day I First Fell In Love: 

I remember the day I first fell in love:

That floating feeling,

That I’d read all about,

Rose up through my toes

And filled me right up,

Right to the top of my head.

‘Cause he made me smile when he wasn’t there,

And I wrote his name on the palm of my hand.

He was there, in my heart,

And not just my head,

Because,

As I said to myself as I fell asleep,

Just a girl, nothing more,

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

For real this time.

At least that’s what I thought.

‘Last time wasn’t true, he didn’t really love you,

But this time,

This time, it’s different,

This time it’s honest and beautiful,’

I told myself.

It wasn’t like before,

I was older and wiser and I thought

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

Real, actual, love!

And not with a boy, nah,

I fell in love with a girl, but

Not like that.

She was my best friend, my soul mate,

And no, not like that.

The first friend I’d ever had

Who I really believed would hold my hair back,

And stay with me

In the rough bits of stuff;

The one who would slap me back to my senses

When I told her about

That boy from class and how much

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love.

And back to the boys,

Who I’d sworn to swear off.

But this time,

This time, this time,

It really is different,

I know that he cares,

And he’s sweet and he’s kind

I said over and over.

But she knew it was a lie,

That girl I loved,

She knew I didn’t mean it,

Because she was my best friend,

She could tell I was lying, to her and

To myself, as well, when I said that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love;

And I really, honestly did.

This was no baby crush,

No tween infatuation,

No teenaged tell-myself-I-love-him

So I’m not alone.

Really, actually, this time.

I had fallen very hard,

And I was feeling real feelings,

And yes, they were love,

And yes, I was young,

But, even so,

I was sure of it,

For the very first time,

I was sure.

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love;

But it didn’t help me very much

When I lost another man

That I had always loved.

‘Cause losing a man

That had been there from the start,

That had braided my hair,

And taught me to count,

Was the biggest heartbreak of all.

And as I thought back over my love for him

I couldn’t remember the day it began.

All I knew, and all I will always know

Of that man, of my dad, is that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love;

And almost as clear is the day

That I first fell out of love.

I woke up one morning

And the world was back to being less clear

And I saw his face again,

That man, that boy,

That I had so loved,

And I realised that it just wasn’t the same

Anymore: ‘I’m sorry,

I’m really, so sorry,’

I’d told him, ‘I just don’t want to pretend.’

So it ended, eventually,

It was just like that, but

For a while there, honestly,

That boy,

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

With the second boy I ever

Fell in love with.

I was older now, more mature.

I’d been with boys

That I hadn’t loved one bit

And I’d been with boys

That had loved me a lot.

But it had been a while,

A real, long, while,

Since I’d felt it back,

Since I felt that feeling

Inside of my heart, that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With that second boy.

It was sudden and I’d never

Seen it coming.

But he was a boy, a real nice boy,

And I was a girl

Who dropped so quick

Into falling for him

That neither of us had realised.

But I was in love,

And so was he!

Shame, really, that it wasn’t with me.

But, all the same,

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With boy number 3.

Boy number 2 was happy with his girl

So, I wanted boy number 3 to be happy with me.

But I’d forgotten all about 2

And 3 had taken over me,

My thoughts, my feelings,

My up-late-at-nights.

Because, finally,

Here was a boy

Who felt about me

Like I felt about him:

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love.

That first love of all, the one that didn’t last.

That day was monumental and real,

And oh-so-long ago, so far behind me,

As, there I was,

About to marry boy number 4!

So why was I thinking about number 1?

Who knows, I thought,

That doesn’t matter, I thought,

All I tried to think was of the man

At the end of my aisle,

The one who I was going to be with forever,

All I tried to think of,

All I could, was that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With my husband,

With the man that I married,

With the man who had smiled down at me with such

Love in his eyes,

As he slipped that ring onto my finger.

The day I fell in love with him

Was wonderful,

And pure,

And sweet,

And this was grown-up love,

A real, big, love,

And he was good for me, and

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With a baby, so small, so innocent.

Here, in my arms,

Was my very own child

My very own son

For me to love in a way

That I’d never, before.

And there was his face,

And his fingers and toes

And his whole body

With which he’d live

His own life, and love

His own loves.

But all I knew in that very second

And for so many seconds after, was that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

When I was so young, no more than a teenager.

I thought of it often, that day,

That boy,

Even though I had a boy all to myself

And we had a boy, a son,

And that son had a sister,

So I couldn’t,

I wasn’t allowed,

To start doubting their father,

To start doubting that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

And I’d thought it would last forever,

And it didn’t.

And I thought that maybe

It was happening again,

I was falling out of love.

Or maybe the man I had loved

Was no longer around.

Because the man who stumbled home

Late at night, and was rude to his son

And didn’t care for his daughter

Was not the man that I’d married.

I wasn’t sure, at all, if I liked this man,

Let alone if

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love.

It was joyful and happy

But downright scary.

And so was the day I left the man

Who’d caused so much pain

For me and my children.

I was rid of the monster that

The boy had become,

And that made me so happy,

That he was out of our lives,

But who knew what was out there,

Who knew what to do?

All I was sure of anymore

Was that our time was over,

Over was the time that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With the man

That a boy had become.

Because boy number 1 became

Man number 1,

In place of the boys that had left

And the boys that I’d left.

Because here was number 1

All over again,

And I didn’t think I could ever

Fall out of love again.

And my son

And my daughter

Thought he was great,

And I knew that he couldn’t ever change

Like my husband before.

And I knew, I knew it so much, that

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love,

And I remember the day I lost my first love.

And I remember that I thought

Again and again

That our time wasn’t enough

We didn’t have long enough.

Even though we’d had years

And years

And years

But we’d spent it apart.

And as we were planning to spend years

And years

And years

Together,

He was taken all of a sudden,

Leaving me with nothing anymore

Except knowing that, once, twice,

I loved him.

 

I remember the day I first fell in love

With the woman that looked back at me in the mirror.

We’d been through a lot,

That woman and I,

And I’d never managed to love her

As she deserved.

But I’d healed from heartbreak

So many times,

And I was ready to love someone

That I knew I could rely on.

I’d been through too much

And spent too many years being hurt

To put any more stock in

Falling in love with boys

Or with men.

And so to fall asleep at night

And to live my life

The only thought that I needed

Anymore was that

I loved me.

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3 thoughts on “I Remember The Day – A Poem About Love, Life, and Loss

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